In The Absence Of Chocolate

Imagine this horror story. It’s late at night, kids in bed, you’re in the house on your own. What do you do in the absence of chocolate?

Well it’s not that late admittedly.

However the boys are in bed. That is not a stealth boast. I ran them ragged around the house and gave them a warm bath before bedtime. They have also been up since ridiculous o’clock (5.47am is ridiculous when you are 5 & 2 respectively and insane when you are 35). The 5-year-old had reached head banging tiredness by around 6pm but we had to wait a while so that he would go to bed at the right time. Baths are a good distraction.

For kids, not for me.

All day I’ve been craving a bar of chocolate. Himself bought some decent chocolate bars the other day and put them in the drawer of the fridge. Everytime I opened the fridge to get something they were there, taunting me, calling me, alluring.

‘Scuse me while I drool a little.

Those bars were sealed in the wrappers, distinctive wrappers that scream milk chocolate boldness. So bold I could conjure up the flavour of the bar just by looking at them. I deliberately didn’t touch the bars during the week. If I touched the wrapper it would have accidentally fallen open and into my mouth.

Will power is a magnificent thing.

Unfortunately my family do not have any.

I have just gone into the kitchen to get a luscious bar of chilled chocolate from the drawer in the fridge only to realise that they are all gone.


This is not a sugar craving by the way. There is an endless supply of junk lollipops, jellies, fudge, candied nuts, biscuits etc in the house after Hallowe’en last week. If I wanted sugar I could gorge myself on it right now and fall into a sweet stupor on the sofa.


Sorry for shouting. This is a catastrophe.

What do I do in the absence of chocolate?

I have found a bar of cooking grade chocolate in the bottom of a treat box. I don’t know if I can bring myself to eat it. There’s like 10% cocoa solids in it. That’s not chocolate. That’s “I can’t believe it’s not chocolate”, a poor cousin I assure you.

Is it bad that I’m considering waking the boys and walking to the local shop?

  • Maud

    Oh no! I thought you were going to come up with some miracle solution for this terrible problem, not leave us despairing for you! Have you any cocoa? Could you bake some emergency brownies?

    • Wholesome Ireland

      NO COCOA. This is an emergency!!!!

      • kathryn

        And there was me thinking you were the perfect household manager. I’d learned by the time I was in my teens that you always, ALWAYS, have a bar of chocolate stashed somewhere no one else will find it.

        Admittedly this sometimes means it isn’t actually in an edible condition by the time you need to retrieve it but you can’t have everything. xxx

        • Wholesome Ireland

          Perfection is over rated. I bow to your expertise.

  • Joanna

    That is an emergency! I rarely let supplies get that low but it has happened and nothing else will do when you feel like a bar of chocolate…..But really you need to have a secret stash in reserve at all times (so I’ve heard).

    • Wholesome Ireland

      I repent I’ve learned my lesson…

  • Emily

    Feckit Caitriona! Will I drive from Galway? This is an emergency above all else. I’ve a four pack of Wispas in the “junk press” Now that I say it, actually….

    • Wholesome Ireland

      No need he arrived home with chocolate. See his comment above…

  • Wholesome Ireland

    Dunno why you didn’t open the door with your keys? Perhaps it was a fear thing?

  • Wholesome Ireland

    Oh now that IS desperation!

  • Wholesome Ireland

    I would have done only I was on my own & boys were in bed. No problem with emergency chocolate trips at all normally. ;)

  • Wholesome Ireland

    I very, very rarely drink wine. Chocolate is my vice. Maybe I should swap around? ;)

  • Dr Hows Science Wows

    Oooh, I feel your pain, been there… in fact I have eaten the cooking chocolate on the most desperate occasions; glad you got sorted!

    • Wholesome Ireland

      Thanks N!