In The Absence Of Chocolate

Imagine this horror story. It’s late at night, kids in bed, you’re in the house on your own. What do you do in the absence of chocolate?

Well it’s not that late admittedly.

However the boys are in bed. That is not a stealth boast. I ran them ragged around the house and gave them a warm bath before bedtime. They have also been up since ridiculous o’clock (5.47am is ridiculous when you are 5 & 2 respectively and insane when you are 35). The 5-year-old had reached head banging tiredness by around 6pm but we had to wait a while so that he would go to bed at the right time. Baths are a good distraction.

For kids, not for me.

All day I’ve been craving a bar of chocolate. Himself bought some decent chocolate bars the other day and put them in the drawer of the fridge. Everytime I opened the fridge to get something they were there, taunting me, calling me, alluring.

‘Scuse me while I drool a little.

Those bars were sealed in the wrappers, distinctive wrappers that scream milk chocolate boldness. So bold I could conjure up the flavour of the bar just by looking at them. I deliberately didn’t touch the bars during the week. If I touched the wrapper it would have accidentally fallen open and into my mouth.

Will power is a magnificent thing.

Unfortunately my family do not have any.

I have just gone into the kitchen to get a luscious bar of chilled chocolate from the drawer in the fridge only to realise that they are all gone.

ALL GONE.

This is not a sugar craving by the way. There is an endless supply of junk lollipops, jellies, fudge, candied nuts, biscuits etc in the house after Hallowe’en last week. If I wanted sugar I could gorge myself on it right now and fall into a sweet stupor on the sofa.

THERE IS NO CHOCOLATE.

Sorry for shouting. This is a catastrophe.

What do I do in the absence of chocolate?

I have found a bar of cooking grade chocolate in the bottom of a treat box. I don’t know if I can bring myself to eat it. There’s like 10% cocoa solids in it. That’s not chocolate. That’s “I can’t believe it’s not chocolate”, a poor cousin I assure you.

Is it bad that I’m considering waking the boys and walking to the local shop?