When I was pregnant with my first son, I had a terrible time with my hips and back. After he was born the pain didn’t go away, it got worse and worse. I had a searing pain down my leg and I struggled to walk.
While I was going through all this pain my GP, with all the best intentions, thought that I was suffering from depression. I mean, who wouldn’t? I was crying all the time, wouldn’t go anywhere, I was miserable with the pain. So my GP referred me to a Psychiatrist who confirmed I didn’t have depression, I was simply in too much pain to function properly. That was the first step on the long road to recovery with an impinged nerve in my spine and a couple of slipped discs.
So how does this relate to financial stress?
There have been days, particularly in the past year, where I have cried my eyes out.
I’ve dragged myself out of the bed only because I have to get up with the kids.
Most of my thoughts have been on money, budgets, how to make things work, how to pay off bills, what to do if something goes wrong.
I rarely went out or socialised. I still can’t justify a night out when there are clothes to be bought or a car to be serviced.
There was a point last year where I was standing at the school gate and all the women beside me were talking about holidays, cars, haircuts, nights out, restaurants. I felt so alienated and unable to relate I mumbled my excuses and walked away.
I’ve lost many nights’ sleep, rarely went out and a decent part of my day was filled with financial stress.
If I had gone to the GP, they may have suspected I had depression and for good reason.
I struggled to articulate this on the blog on a regular basis. Nobody likes a moan and goodness there have been days, weeks and months where I’ve found it hard to take a look at the sunny-side. I can look back at the past year now because things are getting better. I can recognise how blooming awful it has been and the journey we’ve taken to get here.
This weekend himself remarked that he hadn’t heard me belly-laugh in quite some time and it was a lovely thing to hear. Hopefully I’ll be laughing and smiling an awful lot more.
There’s a significant reason why this past year has been more difficult than any other year since I was made redundant. I hope to be able to share more of that story with you in the near future.