In the spirit of Mark Diacono, who yesterday blogged that he felt that more food writers should be honest about their kitchen disasters, after a wonderful mention in the Irish Times yesterday about cooking with children, and Kate Takes 5 featuring my guestpost about goggles and sprinkles; I’m coming clean.
I thought I was doing great, in my head I had come up with a recipe for vegan burgers made from cauliflower and broccoli.
steamed them a little bit overcooked them in the steamer. Blitzed the steamed brassicas with some tahini, minced garlic, spices and a little rice flour to get the burgers to hold their shape. Then baked the burgers in the oven.
Having taken the time to shoot some photos of said vegan burgers, I plated them up for the boys.
The 20 month old expressed his dissatisfaction by taking a bite, crying and spitting out the contents of his mouth. This is unusual as he is possibly the best eater in the family. The fussy 4 year old smelled the burgers and put them to one side telling me that they smelled funny. I bit into one myself.
I’ve never tasted anything quite like it. I think that if I ever ate sponge that the texture would match what I put in my mouth. A damp, squidgy sponge that tasted vaguely of wet gaberdine coats on the bus on the way home from school on a hot Autumn day, mixed with damp dog who has been rolling in the grass.
Himself arrived home just as I was
tossing the burgers in the bin hiding my shame.
In my defense, I made a batch of my special sauce with other items from the allotment including carrots, peppers, garlic, onion and tomatoes which was used to create my hidden vegetable pasta. Lesson learned. I’m sticking to the old reliables for the rest of the week.
I should listen to my own advice to cook good, fresh food simply!
Thanks for starting my day with a hearty laugh!
Well I’m glad somebody enjoyed! I won’t be making them again, vile, vile, vile!
so happy you’re human! well I know you are 🙂 but you know what I mean 🙂
I promise, totally human. 🙂
Your ‘wet gabardine coats’ comment made me laugh and conjure up long hidden memories! it is good to know that great cooks hae disasters too, albeit a lot less than I do!
By the way, I intend to try your coleslaw recipe tomorrow:-)
I dunno that I’m a great cook Jazzy but I think it’s important to be honest. We’re only human!
Happens to all of us sooner or later when we move out of our immediate comfort zone. You could build houses with some of the things I’ve made while seeking the perfect basic recipe for the “almost everything free” muffin. And what really annoys me is the good ingredients I’ve wasted in the course of the quest.The almost everything free cornbread is another guaranteed brick making session. They taste OK, and are edible while still warm but just let them cool and you’d need to book the dentist’s appointment before you try to bite into them
Yes! It was the good ingredients that went to waste that upset me. If I were allowed to feed kitchen failures to the pigs, I don’t think they’d even eat these though. Ah well you live and learn eh?
I bet they’d eat them in a flash. And all those ingredients would be fine for them. Why can’t you feed failures to the pigs?
Because we can’t feed them any food prepared or cooked in the kitchen. It’s to do with transmission of botulism. Dept of Agriculture rules on food waste & pigs. 🙁
Madness – those rules are supposed to be to prevent rotten food being fed to them, not freshly made veggie burgers guaranteed botulism free. Mind you, until very recently you couldn’t have free range pigs because the Department said they had to be kept on concrete to avoid soil borne diseases
Yes I know and completely agree with you.