Self Acceptance

For years I sat on the beach and watched as the boys splashed in the surf with my husband. On holidays we’d go to waterparks and I’d brave a slide or two but mainly sit by the pool and keep a watchful eye on them.

It’s not that I wasn’t willing to go and join in but I was wary of myself. Of how I looked in swimming togs and being conscious of other people looking at me.

Recently it’s not that I had an epiphany, far from it!

We were on the beach with the kids during the lockdown and they wanted to go sea swimming, something we normally reserve for very warm Summer days. We are going to be spending an awful lot of the year based from home and are privileged to live by the beach so I got wetsuits for the lads (boys and their Dad). My husband suggested I find one for myself and I decided not to.

The wetsuits arrived and the 3 lads got into the surf together and had an absolute ball. I stood on the beach watching them splash together and had a yearning to join in. I realised that I would have to get one for myself.

At that moment I decided that I wasn’t going to stress about how I looked. I was going to stress about not being part of the fun.

Reader. I bought a plus sized wetsuit. It wasn’t as horrendously expensive as I thought it would be.

I am wearing it to sea swim. Something I did a LONG time ago and stopped doing because of my self doubt.

I feel more confident in myself. I’m more body confident. I have borne 2 children. I’ve run a marathon. I am who I am and more comfortable in my own skin.

No longer will I stand to one side because of my own inhibitions. The boys will remember I’m there and part of their lives.

Just one of the wonderful changes that happened in our house during lockdown.